omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize