I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
