There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
