the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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