Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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