dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
