would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
