Your face is a jimmy john
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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