Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
