The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
