Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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