im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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