he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
