i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
