good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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