yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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