She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
