shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
