watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
