He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
