Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
