I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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