Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
