What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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