I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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