When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
