I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
