1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
