im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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