one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
