First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
there is glitter all over my balls
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