Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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