the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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