did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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