the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
