I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
