so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
