I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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