Michael Bay diarrhea
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
