Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
