Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
