Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
