Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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