white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
