we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize