Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
