theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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