I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
