none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize