My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
