you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
