i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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