forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I love you. Go after that dick
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
