Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
