imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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