Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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