LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
We are two peas in an std pod
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Randomize
