is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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