How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
