I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
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