We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
