i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
