I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
