that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
