the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
