Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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