These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
