I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
