it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Randomize
