I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
