how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
i out mim tonsoeep
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
