Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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