i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
