so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
It's Friday. Sex?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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