Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
