We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
