either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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