I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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