his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize