considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
